Monday, June 22, 2009

Beginning Again...Again!

Haven't I restarted this before?

This seems to be a recurring theme in my life -- I start, then stop short, then start again, then return to step 2, then so's a never ending dance, and I'm the only one on the floor! I've started books, projects, schedules, articles, diets, businesses, programs...and then something gets in the way. And I stop. I once started a book about the habit of adult under-achievement. Never finished it. I even started a 12-Step program that has listed as one of it's eventual benefits the ability to start and complete projects. So far I've made it to Step 8. I do plan to finish.

In fact, I've planned to finish all the things I've started, and I know all the right things to do: begin with the end in mind, focus only forward, set goals and write them down, future pace, visualize, have a schedule, be disciplined...then something short-circuits and I fall down on the execution part. It's happened over and over and over again.

I've come to realize lately that, very generally speaking, human beings tend to operate more often in patterns than in passions. Before anyone starts to debate me, let me clarify myself right now by saying that I know this is a massive generalization, and that there are many, many people who live every day enveloped in their passions! I love and admire those people...they inspire me!! I study them, read their books, follow them on Twitter! The problem for me (and probably a few others) is not that I'm not passionate about anything, although perhaps some people are not. The bigger problem ends up being the patterns. The patterns of fear, doubt, negative inner conflict, insecurities -- all of which can be classified as "Stinkin' Thinkin'". Patterns set in, passions flicker out. Even though life is far more rewarding when living in passion, it's feels easier to slip back into that old habit. It's like an outfit that's worn and dated but still fits and doesn't need a lot of accesorizing. Yeah, the new threads are flashy and make us feel good, but they take a little more effort. So we put on that old shirt, and say it's just for today...

I've done this so many times it's stupid! I'm sick of me, and I know a few other people who are pretty sick of me, too! This is certainly not how to live my life to the fullest.

Why am I sharing all these things in a blog? Several reasons, actually. Different people have different perspectives, and some will perhaps share their thoughts, ideas, or stories of their experience. Maybe someone reading will identify with me and we can strengthen and encourage each other. Maybe the accountability that is inherent in honestly revealing myself will continue to move me to act. Maybe all of the above!

There is a saying about that journey of a thousand miles. Although I've stumbled a lot and rewritten the map a few times, I still desire to take that step and continue down the path. I'm grateful for another day to do exactly that.

Mindy Colvin
Internet CEO Moms
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Sent from my BlackBerry mobile device...please pardon any typos!