Saturday, June 7, 2008
The strange thing to me about this is that I don't actually have a full-time, Monday-Friday job. My weekdays aren't all that structured or pressure-filled, except for the weeks when I travel for classes. There have, in fact, been many times when my weekends are actually busier than my weekdays! And yet...weekends still hold their mystcal charm!
I believe in preserving the low-activity tradition of weeknds. I don't actually like having to do things that require getting dressed up on weekends, which is strange because I do enjoy going to church!! Other than that, though, I'm all about laying back on the weekends! It's the best way to be!
I apparently can't even think creatively on the weekends, which is obvious from this rather lackluster blog effort! Admittedly, I'm a bit distracted by a movie that's on television right now, along with the fact that I'm pretty tired! I suppose I'll do what I can to generate a better entry tomorrow! At least I don't have to leave my house to get it done! WOOHOO...Weekend tradition lives!!
It's actually not summer itself. I have nothing against the season -- except that it's pretty blazing hot here in Texas! And no, it's NOT a dry heat!! I love going swimming, going to amusement parks, doing all those summer-type activities. What I don't love, though, is the magnifying glass that gets put on all the holes in my structure and schedule. Yeah...that's not good.
I'm admittedly not the most structured person. I sure want to be! I want to be one of those "buttoned up" people who seem to have everything under control. I'm convinced that they're out there...they're the people who get things done, get cards and letters out on time, and get their Christmas gifts wrapped well in advance of Christmas Eve!
I, on the other hand, tend to lean in the direction of what I like to call "flexibility". Which is just a nicer word for your basic train wreck. I have a lot of projects I've started, a lot of cards I've meant to send out, a lot of forgotten phone calls. It's not pretty, honestly. I do what I can to deflect the spotlight from myself...I can easily find ways to blame my kids, my husband, my job, my dog...who or whatever I can find. Truth is, though, that I'm the only one to blame. I can choose how to show up in my life, every day. And it's all about priorities -- what is the MOST IMPORTANT THING to me.
In exploring that topic more fully, I realize that it's time to begin to identify more clearly what's most important to me overall instead of day by day or minute by minute. Sure it's fun to be "in the moment", to kind of go with the flow. I get to take advantage of activities that I wouldn't otherwise get to do. Most of those have to do with people, which is by FAR my greatest "weakness" -- any opportunity I get to socialize and spend time with people I enjoy, I'm gonna have a tough time turning down!
The challenge comes when it's time to be held accountable for the things I say I'm going to get done. I'm usually behind in those things, not quite following through, not quite being as effective as I'd like to be. This is nothing new, mind you. Nothing I haven't known about myself for a very long time! It's just that, during the summer, with all the opportunities to take my kids and go do fun stuff with other people with kids, it seems to get worse. Not cool.
I know the answer is more structure. And my stomach starts to turn with the mere mention of the word! To me it speaks to missed opportunities, mundane-ness, even boredom. Obviously, I need to redefine this word!! Because it can also be an opportunity for project completion, business growth, satisfaction of actually having the job done and done well. When I look at it that way, structure becomes something exciting, something rewarding, something worth the sacrifice.
I'm still working on selling that redefinition to my sub-conscious -- it's gonna take a couple of days, at least! I know it's worth the energy, so I'll make a run at it! At the very least, maybe I'll get my kids to be at a reasonable time, and I'll manage to get a blog entry done sometime before midnight! That, in itself, would be a VAST improvement!
Thursday, June 5, 2008
My current dilemma is that I'm burned. As in SUNburned. According to some, it's a pretty bad burn, so I should probably be concerned about it. I spent several hours at a water park today, and although I did put on some sunscreen, I will admit that I probably could have used more!
I'm not thrilled with my over-sunning today. I've been down this road before, and it's not a whole lot of fun! It's actually more than a bit painful! I have enough trouble sleeping without yet another distraction...after all, I have two kids! My sleep is only as sacred as they allow it to be! But that's another subject...
I'm going to go out on a limb here and state boldly that I expect my back and shoulders to be 100% fine. I expect to sleep just fine, to feel great, and to have a really awesome tan! I've been reading a lot about self-healing -- the body's natural ability to heal itself, which gets bogged down in negative thought processes. So I'm going to test the theories! I will not give this "skin irritation" any energy. I will not give it special attention! I will focus on the fact that I feel great, my skin is fine, and this is no big deal. I recognize that somewhere, way back in the back of my mind, there's a little voice wanting to plant seeds of doubt. I'm going to put that voice in a closet and lock the door! And I'm going to turn up the volume on the voices that tell me I'm fine!
I'll let you know what my results are! For now, I'm tired, and I'm going to go get some rest!
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
There were plenty of opportunities to get frustrated today. I started to take a couple of them...then I remembered that the whole point of the day was to have fun, and that it didn't really matter if we did things in any kind of order. It only mattered that we were spending time together and having fun! As long as I focused on that, I had a much better time!
Isn't that a lot like life? We spend a lot of time going from one "ride" to the next, sometimes getting lost or turned around, sometimes waiting for things to get going. There are squeals of laughter and screams of thrill...and sometimes barks of displeasure or impatience. It's easy to find things to complain or grumble about if we choose to. But what do you want to remember at the end of the day? The long lines? The crowds? The heat? Or the thrills?! The chills!? The ups and downs that stir your stomach and give you goosebumps!?
Have you ever seen the movie "Parenthood" with Steve Martin? Excellent movie...check it out!! There's a scene in the movie where the grandmother likens life to a roller coaster, with all its ups and downs. Some people loved it, some people DIDN'T love it so much, and some people wouldn't even get on the ride...they preferred to stay on the merry-go-round. We started with a merry-go-round today, and we ended with a bit of a thrill ride, and in between there were all sorts of various experiences...and I loved them all! When everything is combined, it's what makes up the complete day of fun!
There will be roller coasters in life. LOTS of them! And there will be merry-go-rounds, and swinging ships and floating rafts and spinning cups! If you look for it, there is enjoyment to be found in any ride. When you do that, you find it easier and easier to continue to find the enjoyment and to revel in it! And to me, that's what makes up a complete life of fun!
I gotta go get some rest...I have lots of rides to get on tomorrow!
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
I've been guilty at times of being one of those "energy is wasted on the young" grumpy old-thinking people. I don't like that element in myself. I truly don't believe that energy is "wasted" on kids, but I sure do wish I could bottle it up and sell it! Talk about your ultimate energy drink!! WOOHOO!!!
I believe that life is energy, and that we are all creatures of energy, and that energy can grow exponentially when given the proper "life". And what I mean is that instead of complaining about the fact that my kids seem to take on Energizer Bunny-like stamina, which invariably wears me O-U-T, I really should get closer to them at those moments. I should allow their energy to energize me, to keep me going...or to GET me going, as the case often is! It seems strange that I allow my energy levels to drop when I have an endless supply of it running around my house! A BIG LIFE requires BIG ENERGY...which my kids have to the MAX!!!
Right now, it's not morning. Well, technically, it's very close! But the sun isn't up yet, which doesn't qualify it as morning to my girls! When the sun does come up, I better be ready to roll, especially since I told them that we'd go to Six Flags tomorrow!! Six Flags is something that definitely takes LOTS of energy...good thing I'm taking my two perpetual motion devices!!
I look forward to doing a little experiment tomorrow -- opening myself up to allow the energy and enthusiasm that my kids will CERTAINLY possess to possess me, too, to keep me going, and going, and going, and going. I'll let you know how it goes!
Monday, June 2, 2008
Here's the problem...I have trouble with intentional inactivity! I don't do "still" well! Not that I'm generally super-productive -- believe me, I can kill time with the best of 'em! In my mind, though, to INTENTIONALLY do nothing is something I struggle with. I feel guilty, especially since I always have a very long list of things to be done. I know people who can just curl up with a book and leave everything behind for hours on end...I am not one of those people!!
I recognize that there can be tremendous value in doing nothing -- it can be regenerating, renewing, invigorating. And yet...I struggle. I tell myself I should be getting something done...laundry, dishes, cleaning, organizing -- SOMEthing!! And "reading a book", to me, doesn't count as "something". Honestly, it's sometimes a little frustrating to be me!!
The problem is my perfectionist tendencies. I heard some interesting information recently about perfectionists that, sadly, described me all too well!! Seems that most of the time, perfectionists, since they don't do anything unless it'll be perfect, end up being surrounded by chaos, and therefore are really more IMperfectionists than perfectionists! OUCH. Which is why my new favorite phrase is "Imperfect action trumps perfect INaction EVERY TIME." True and TRUE!!
So...how do I reconcile this? Yesterday, I did a pretty good job of extending some grace to myself. Then this morning, my mind started in on me..."you shouldn't have wasted so much time, you really should have gotten something done, what were you thinking..." Pesky mind. So unappreciative of my need for rest! I had a busy weekend and a 6am flight -- gimme a break already!
I managed to quiet my inner nag with promises of super-poductivity for today. As of now, though, with about 18 minutes left, I have to 'fess up to the fact that my intentions far out-performed my reality! That should cetainly be great fodder for the voices in my head!
Lucky for me, I know that my mind just on it's own doesn't get the final say...I decide what I listen to, even from myself! And I will stand firm in my own defense, both yesterday and today, and remind myself that there's nothing I can do about yesterday, or even today, for that matter! I can only do whatever I choose to do for tomorrow, which will NOT be nothing, no matter how much fun that can be!
I WILL work on allowing myself more intentional down-time. Regeneration is important for long-term performance! Which is why "Nothing" really does have value...no matter what my mind says!