Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Truth be told, June 29 is the half-way mark of the year, since the first 6 months include only three 31-day months, as well as February’s 28 days. To me, this is particularly noteworthy, since June 29 was the day of my first phone appointment with my new life coach, Kevin Ciccotti of Cutting Edge Coaching and Consulting (www.TheCuttingEdgeCoach.com). Our first call was more than just an overview of what we’re going to do – I’ve known Kevin for a few years already, so we skipped the formalities and got right down to business!! I’m already learning from the work he’s given me to do, and I’m honored to have the opportunity to work with him!
2009.1 was really not too pretty. My business fell flat. My goals for the year slipped away. I didn’t lose any weight, pay off any bills, or make any progress on my house. I still need new floors, a new roof, trimmed trees, a balanced budget, a smaller waistline, less stuff, and far more consistency. I started to feel trapped by my lack of progress, and completely annoyed by my lack of energy to do much about it!!
THANKFULLY, THAT WAS THEN.
2009.2 started with a call with Kevin, where we talked about fear, guilt and energy blocks. We talked about me giving myself permission to let things go. We talked about trust issues and faith. These are all things that I know and know how to do, but apparently need help with! And, in the interest of full disclosure, I knew I needed help, too, but I didn’t really want to admit it. It makes me feel, well, helpless!
Truthfully, I’m very excited about getting help. I’ve gotten too skilled at dodging accountability, so this is exactly what I need! I implicitly trust my “helper”, and I’m looking forward to making amazing things happen in this second half of the year. Stay tuned for details – I’ll be keeping this blog updated, so feel free to comment and share! And have a Happy New (Half of the) Year!
Monday, June 22, 2009
This seems to be a recurring theme in my life -- I start, then stop short, then start again, then return to step 2, then so on...it's a never ending dance, and I'm the only one on the floor! I've started books, projects, schedules, articles, diets, businesses, programs...and then something gets in the way. And I stop. I once started a book about the habit of adult under-achievement. Never finished it. I even started a 12-Step program that has listed as one of it's eventual benefits the ability to start and complete projects. So far I've made it to Step 8. I do plan to finish.
In fact, I've planned to finish all the things I've started, and I know all the right things to do: begin with the end in mind, focus only forward, set goals and write them down, future pace, visualize, have a schedule, be disciplined...then something short-circuits and I fall down on the execution part. It's happened over and over and over again.
I've come to realize lately that, very generally speaking, human beings tend to operate more often in patterns than in passions. Before anyone starts to debate me, let me clarify myself right now by saying that I know this is a massive generalization, and that there are many, many people who live every day enveloped in their passions! I love and admire those people...they inspire me!! I study them, read their books, follow them on Twitter! The problem for me (and probably a few others) is not that I'm not passionate about anything, although perhaps some people are not. The bigger problem ends up being the patterns. The patterns of fear, doubt, negative inner conflict, insecurities -- all of which can be classified as "Stinkin' Thinkin'". Patterns set in, passions flicker out. Even though life is far more rewarding when living in passion, it's feels easier to slip back into that old habit. It's like an outfit that's worn and dated but still fits and doesn't need a lot of accesorizing. Yeah, the new threads are flashy and make us feel good, but they take a little more effort. So we put on that old shirt, and say it's just for today...
I've done this so many times it's stupid! I'm sick of me, and I know a few other people who are pretty sick of me, too! This is certainly not how to live my life to the fullest.
Why am I sharing all these things in a blog? Several reasons, actually. Different people have different perspectives, and some will perhaps share their thoughts, ideas, or stories of their experience. Maybe someone reading will identify with me and we can strengthen and encourage each other. Maybe the accountability that is inherent in honestly revealing myself will continue to move me to act. Maybe all of the above!
There is a saying about that journey of a thousand miles. Although I've stumbled a lot and rewritten the map a few times, I still desire to take that step and continue down the path. I'm grateful for another day to do exactly that.
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Sent from my BlackBerry mobile device...please pardon any typos!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
I guess that's what I get for writing an entry about the crazy voices in my head!!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
I wouldn't necessarily describe myself as a techno-savvy person, although I can basically navigate my way through most things. In some ways, though, I'm surprised that I haven't plugged into all this earlier. Especially since I can manage my Facebook profile from the comfort and convenience of my phone!! Side note: for those of you who don't already know this, I am walking reinforcement of the BlackBerry nickname of "CrackBerry" -- I'm hooked on my phone!
I'm even more surprised by all the people I'm finding...friends from high school, from college, from the broadcast business, from my work in the training world, friends from church, family members -- I had no idea that I could find so many familiar people in one place!! For the most part, each group is "segmented" -- meaning, high school friends are common with other high school friends, broadcast business friends with other broadcast business friends, etc. There are some overlaps, mostly in the college/church world. And then there are the people that I'm not sure how I know...that's fun!!
At first, all this discovery caused me a bit of anxiety. I suddenly felt like several different people -- some people know me as a singer, others know me as the one who was yelling at them for 3 days, and still others are unfamiliar with either of those elements of my life! I'm sure some people will remember certain things about me, some of which are still relevant, and others that are not. And after my initial insecurity and desire to find the closest non-WiFi spot and hide (which actually isn't that far from me!!), I'm actually excited about all of this. It's fun to look at pictures and read updates and learn about the lives of people who were once part of my day-to-day life. My favorite hobby is people, so to have a central location where I can keep up with friends and family members all over the world is fantastic!
And that fact that I can do it all from my phone...PRICELESS!!
Friday, September 12, 2008
Struggles are part of every life. Compared to most people, my struggles are minor! Almost microscopic! But that's not what my mind is telling me. It wants me to believe that this is as good as it will ever get. It wants me to believe that this is all I'm capable of. It wants me to believe that this is all too big and too complicated and too much to sort through.
What if I really believed all that chatter? What if I didn't know how to reprogram or turn off the volume on those negative voices? What if I embraced that defeat? What might that look like? Let's see...depression, anxiety, poor health, low energy, physical illness...not a very attractive outlook.
Something scary happens to me when I start giving an audience to the trash talk. I start to withdraw, because I'm "not supposed to have these struggles". Yep, another nasty little voice that wants me to use my struggles as evidence that I have no credibility in my job as I show other people how to change the recordings in their heads. How can I help anybody else? I cane even help myself!
Deep in my heart, I know what I'm capable of. I have a clear picture there of what I want. That's why I keep fighting. That's why I refuse to believe the talk. I know that I am more powerful than negativity. I have incredible tools, incredible opportunities, and a desire to get past this cycle of donward thinking.
Clearly, I have a lot of work to do. Thank God for another day to get started on it.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
There are a lot of advantages to steering clear of my computer...I tend to get more done at home, and I tend to get to bed a bit earlier. That's good, right? I have, in fact, gotten a lot of work done around my house over the past couple of weeks. That, honestly, feels phenomenal! Now, I haven't gotten to bed that much earlier, but that's a whole different issue!!
Of course, there are disadvantages, too...for example, if one has a goal of running an internet business, then avoiding the computer is going to be a bad business practice!! Then there's the email issue...there are times when I don't answer an email from my phone when I read it, because I have too much I want to say, and the thought of "thumbing" a long answer to an email is somewhat less than attractive!! Unfortunately, too many intended replies have ended up as nothing more than intentions, and I've upset a few people. (Okay, more than a few!!) I've learned over and over that when it comes to my email, out of sight is truly out of mind! Again...not good!
Then there's the blog...I've had lots of good ideas, lots of mentally composed entries, lots of interesting thoughts that I've let go of because I didn't take the time to just SIT DOWN and type them in. (Well, they were interesting to me, anyway!!) It has bothered me -- a LOT -- that I haven't updated this blog in a while. Many people have told me they enjoy my random postings here, and I feel like I've let myself and others down my by not keeping up with this.
UP UNTIL TODAY...when I remembered that, 1. I can email a bog post, 2. I can email from my phone (yes, it's all thumbs, but it can be done!!), and so 3. I don't have to risk getting sucked into the cyber-abyss in order to keep up with this page! I only need to DO IT. Make it happen. Do it now. Thumbs and all!
Thus, I address you today from poolside, watching the kids play, enjoying a remarkably comfortable July evening (which is rare in North Texas!!), and feeling a bit sheepish that I didn't remember this sooner! DUH!!!! Of course, I could apply this same principle to so many other areas of my life...things I avoid or side-step, things I mean to get to but just haven't, yet...ultimately the best thing to do is to just DO. NOW. FINALLY!
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
Thursday, July 3, 2008
I'm pretty sure it stems from my perfectionist tendencies -- I don't want to decide to throw anything away because I might need it for something, so I manage to keep it until, well, it no longer requires a decision. Even then, even though it's just a matter of throwing it away, I still stall, because I'm sure that there are things in the midst of all the expired stuff that isn't expired, that still needs attention, or that needs to be filed somewhere. So it becomes a perpetual "I'll get to that..." pattern.
And I CAN'T STAND IT!!
So I set a goal for myself this week to find my kitchen counter. Fortunately, thanks to recent work along the same line, it was a fairly easy task. Of course, there were a couple of things (okay, several!) that ended up getting moved to the table...the next area in desperate need of overhaul. But that's for another post! I will say that it's sooooooo nice to have the kitchen counter cleaned off. Every time I do it, I resolve, once again, to keep it that way. I know it takes discipline, extra effort, and a whole lot of cooperation from the other people in this house! That's usually the toughest part!!
So far, I'm three days into my latest clean counter foray, and it feels great! It's a nice place to look when I feel overwhelmed by the various stacks and boxes still waiting for attention. It makes unloading the dishwasher a lot easier -- that's always a plus! And I've decided to incentivize keeping it clean -- every week, when I've kept the counter cleared off, I get to put some money aside for a pedicure, which, to me, is one of life's sweetest pleasures! I rarely allow myself to indulge in such a manner, so the promise of a relaxing foot bath in an over-sized massage chair might be enough to keep me motivated!
Time will tell. In the past, I've not given myself a specific incentive. In theory, the reward of a clean house should be enough. Should be, but hey, reality is what it is! So I'll set up a chart for myself so that I can check off the counter and a few other things that I really ought to be doing on a regular basis, and I'll post it in a place where I can see it constantly. It'll sort of be like a Dream Board but in checklist form. I do looooove checklists!!
Then I'll expect success. That is probably the single best thing I can do, you know. It takes a lot of effort to fight off the little voice in my head that tells me that this time will be no different that the past. I'm all too familiar with that pesky voice...it continues to harass me about various things from time to time, although I will say it's getting a bit quieter with every passing year. Eventually perhaps it'll be silenced permanently...and that will be a GREAT day!!
That will be a day for the DELUXE pedicure!!