...so little clarity. I hate it when this happens. My mind starts racing, and then just speeds up! Pretty soon, I'm traveling at mach speed down a road of jumbled thoughts usually leading nowhere.
Struggles are part of every life. Compared to most people, my struggles are minor! Almost microscopic! But that's not what my mind is telling me. It wants me to believe that this is as good as it will ever get. It wants me to believe that this is all I'm capable of. It wants me to believe that this is all too big and too complicated and too much to sort through.
What if I really believed all that chatter? What if I didn't know how to reprogram or turn off the volume on those negative voices? What if I embraced that defeat? What might that look like? Let's see...depression, anxiety, poor health, low energy, physical illness...not a very attractive outlook.
Something scary happens to me when I start giving an audience to the trash talk. I start to withdraw, because I'm "not supposed to have these struggles". Yep, another nasty little voice that wants me to use my struggles as evidence that I have no credibility in my job as I show other people how to change the recordings in their heads. How can I help anybody else? I cane even help myself!
Deep in my heart, I know what I'm capable of. I have a clear picture there of what I want. That's why I keep fighting. That's why I refuse to believe the talk. I know that I am more powerful than negativity. I have incredible tools, incredible opportunities, and a desire to get past this cycle of donward thinking.
Clearly, I have a lot of work to do. Thank God for another day to get started on it.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
Friday, September 12, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Duh!!
Maybe you've noticed I've been a bit quiet lately! I've sure noticed...and I'm not proud of it!! I seem to be computer challenged lately--every time I sit down, I get sucked into that black hole known as the World Wide Web...and there I sit! And I stay there entirely too long doing entirely too little...then things don't get done, then I start feeling guilty...it's not a good scene!!
There are a lot of advantages to steering clear of my computer...I tend to get more done at home, and I tend to get to bed a bit earlier. That's good, right? I have, in fact, gotten a lot of work done around my house over the past couple of weeks. That, honestly, feels phenomenal! Now, I haven't gotten to bed that much earlier, but that's a whole different issue!!
Of course, there are disadvantages, too...for example, if one has a goal of running an internet business, then avoiding the computer is going to be a bad business practice!! Then there's the email issue...there are times when I don't answer an email from my phone when I read it, because I have too much I want to say, and the thought of "thumbing" a long answer to an email is somewhat less than attractive!! Unfortunately, too many intended replies have ended up as nothing more than intentions, and I've upset a few people. (Okay, more than a few!!) I've learned over and over that when it comes to my email, out of sight is truly out of mind! Again...not good!
Then there's the blog...I've had lots of good ideas, lots of mentally composed entries, lots of interesting thoughts that I've let go of because I didn't take the time to just SIT DOWN and type them in. (Well, they were interesting to me, anyway!!) It has bothered me -- a LOT -- that I haven't updated this blog in a while. Many people have told me they enjoy my random postings here, and I feel like I've let myself and others down my by not keeping up with this.
UP UNTIL TODAY...when I remembered that, 1. I can email a bog post, 2. I can email from my phone (yes, it's all thumbs, but it can be done!!), and so 3. I don't have to risk getting sucked into the cyber-abyss in order to keep up with this page! I only need to DO IT. Make it happen. Do it now. Thumbs and all!
Thus, I address you today from poolside, watching the kids play, enjoying a remarkably comfortable July evening (which is rare in North Texas!!), and feeling a bit sheepish that I didn't remember this sooner! DUH!!!! Of course, I could apply this same principle to so many other areas of my life...things I avoid or side-step, things I mean to get to but just haven't, yet...ultimately the best thing to do is to just DO. NOW. FINALLY!
DUH!!!
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Day Three...
...Of keeping my kitchen counter cleared off. Go me! Well, one of them, anyway. I guess this would be the time to confess that yes, I lean in the direction of being a clutterer. I really can't stand that about myself, but one glance at my dining room table tells the truth. I have a thing for paper. And mail, and catalogs, and coupons, and various miscellaneous things...ugh.
I'm pretty sure it stems from my perfectionist tendencies -- I don't want to decide to throw anything away because I might need it for something, so I manage to keep it until, well, it no longer requires a decision. Even then, even though it's just a matter of throwing it away, I still stall, because I'm sure that there are things in the midst of all the expired stuff that isn't expired, that still needs attention, or that needs to be filed somewhere. So it becomes a perpetual "I'll get to that..." pattern.
And I CAN'T STAND IT!!
So I set a goal for myself this week to find my kitchen counter. Fortunately, thanks to recent work along the same line, it was a fairly easy task. Of course, there were a couple of things (okay, several!) that ended up getting moved to the table...the next area in desperate need of overhaul. But that's for another post! I will say that it's sooooooo nice to have the kitchen counter cleaned off. Every time I do it, I resolve, once again, to keep it that way. I know it takes discipline, extra effort, and a whole lot of cooperation from the other people in this house! That's usually the toughest part!!
So far, I'm three days into my latest clean counter foray, and it feels great! It's a nice place to look when I feel overwhelmed by the various stacks and boxes still waiting for attention. It makes unloading the dishwasher a lot easier -- that's always a plus! And I've decided to incentivize keeping it clean -- every week, when I've kept the counter cleared off, I get to put some money aside for a pedicure, which, to me, is one of life's sweetest pleasures! I rarely allow myself to indulge in such a manner, so the promise of a relaxing foot bath in an over-sized massage chair might be enough to keep me motivated!
Time will tell. In the past, I've not given myself a specific incentive. In theory, the reward of a clean house should be enough. Should be, but hey, reality is what it is! So I'll set up a chart for myself so that I can check off the counter and a few other things that I really ought to be doing on a regular basis, and I'll post it in a place where I can see it constantly. It'll sort of be like a Dream Board but in checklist form. I do looooove checklists!!
Then I'll expect success. That is probably the single best thing I can do, you know. It takes a lot of effort to fight off the little voice in my head that tells me that this time will be no different that the past. I'm all too familiar with that pesky voice...it continues to harass me about various things from time to time, although I will say it's getting a bit quieter with every passing year. Eventually perhaps it'll be silenced permanently...and that will be a GREAT day!!
That will be a day for the DELUXE pedicure!!
I'm pretty sure it stems from my perfectionist tendencies -- I don't want to decide to throw anything away because I might need it for something, so I manage to keep it until, well, it no longer requires a decision. Even then, even though it's just a matter of throwing it away, I still stall, because I'm sure that there are things in the midst of all the expired stuff that isn't expired, that still needs attention, or that needs to be filed somewhere. So it becomes a perpetual "I'll get to that..." pattern.
And I CAN'T STAND IT!!
So I set a goal for myself this week to find my kitchen counter. Fortunately, thanks to recent work along the same line, it was a fairly easy task. Of course, there were a couple of things (okay, several!) that ended up getting moved to the table...the next area in desperate need of overhaul. But that's for another post! I will say that it's sooooooo nice to have the kitchen counter cleaned off. Every time I do it, I resolve, once again, to keep it that way. I know it takes discipline, extra effort, and a whole lot of cooperation from the other people in this house! That's usually the toughest part!!
So far, I'm three days into my latest clean counter foray, and it feels great! It's a nice place to look when I feel overwhelmed by the various stacks and boxes still waiting for attention. It makes unloading the dishwasher a lot easier -- that's always a plus! And I've decided to incentivize keeping it clean -- every week, when I've kept the counter cleared off, I get to put some money aside for a pedicure, which, to me, is one of life's sweetest pleasures! I rarely allow myself to indulge in such a manner, so the promise of a relaxing foot bath in an over-sized massage chair might be enough to keep me motivated!
Time will tell. In the past, I've not given myself a specific incentive. In theory, the reward of a clean house should be enough. Should be, but hey, reality is what it is! So I'll set up a chart for myself so that I can check off the counter and a few other things that I really ought to be doing on a regular basis, and I'll post it in a place where I can see it constantly. It'll sort of be like a Dream Board but in checklist form. I do looooove checklists!!
Then I'll expect success. That is probably the single best thing I can do, you know. It takes a lot of effort to fight off the little voice in my head that tells me that this time will be no different that the past. I'm all too familiar with that pesky voice...it continues to harass me about various things from time to time, although I will say it's getting a bit quieter with every passing year. Eventually perhaps it'll be silenced permanently...and that will be a GREAT day!!
That will be a day for the DELUXE pedicure!!
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Timing is Everything...
Perhaps you've notice that I've been MIA lately. Sorry. Hopefully you've been looking forward to reading something new...hopefully I'll have something new for you to read!
I've been struggling with ideas lately. Specifically, struggling with finding GOOD ideas, usable ideas, writable ideas! My timing has been WAY off...most of my better ideas find their way into my mind at rather inopportune times. Let this be a lesson to me -- when the inspiration inspires, make it happen!!
Part of my challenge is just life in general -- there are demands a-plenty, just as with most other people's lives right now! Money, schedules, kids, jobs...if it's not one thing, it's fourteen others! Sound familiar? Thought so.
So what do we do? I guess the answer lies in that old adage about eating elephants -- you know the one? How do you eat an elephant? Yep, one bite at a time. So I get to take one day at a time, one deadline at a time, one priority at a time. In a way, that's really the best way to operate -- being IN the moment, putting first things first, staying focused...those things sound pretty simple don't they! Fortunately, they are. Unfortunately, they're not easy!
So here I sit again, way too late in the evening, taking steps toward reestablishing systems and structure and patterns, all of which will move me in the direction of what I want.
I think. I'm pretty sure, anyway!
Right now, I am going to wrap this up! Thanks for reading...I'll be back soon!
I've been struggling with ideas lately. Specifically, struggling with finding GOOD ideas, usable ideas, writable ideas! My timing has been WAY off...most of my better ideas find their way into my mind at rather inopportune times. Let this be a lesson to me -- when the inspiration inspires, make it happen!!
Part of my challenge is just life in general -- there are demands a-plenty, just as with most other people's lives right now! Money, schedules, kids, jobs...if it's not one thing, it's fourteen others! Sound familiar? Thought so.
So what do we do? I guess the answer lies in that old adage about eating elephants -- you know the one? How do you eat an elephant? Yep, one bite at a time. So I get to take one day at a time, one deadline at a time, one priority at a time. In a way, that's really the best way to operate -- being IN the moment, putting first things first, staying focused...those things sound pretty simple don't they! Fortunately, they are. Unfortunately, they're not easy!
So here I sit again, way too late in the evening, taking steps toward reestablishing systems and structure and patterns, all of which will move me in the direction of what I want.
I think. I'm pretty sure, anyway!
Right now, I am going to wrap this up! Thanks for reading...I'll be back soon!
Monday, June 16, 2008
Writer's Block
How can a blogger have writer's block?! That just seems silly! And yet...I can't deny the evidence: I haven't posted anything since Thursday, and as I sit here DETERMINED to come up with something interesting, something (HOPEFULLY!!) thought-provoking, or at the VERY least something readable, I find myself writing about nothing. It's sort of like an episode of Seinfeld!
Truthfully, I need to step away from the computer. I have MUCH to do, and I'm running out of time in which to do it. It's entirely too easy for me to get lost in cyber-space. While I'm there, I'm enjoying it, I'm learning, I'm connecting with people...and then I check the clock and guilt sets in! Time sure does fly when you're having fun on the WWW!!!
So, for now, for this hour, this post about mostly nothing will have to stand! Perhaps I'll be more inspired later!
Truthfully, I need to step away from the computer. I have MUCH to do, and I'm running out of time in which to do it. It's entirely too easy for me to get lost in cyber-space. While I'm there, I'm enjoying it, I'm learning, I'm connecting with people...and then I check the clock and guilt sets in! Time sure does fly when you're having fun on the WWW!!!
So, for now, for this hour, this post about mostly nothing will have to stand! Perhaps I'll be more inspired later!
Friday, June 13, 2008
Okay, so it didn't quite work...
Last week, I went to a water park, got a little "extra" sun, and set out determined to NOT give any energy to the possibility of a sunburn. I'm obviously a big believer in power thinking, and I really wanted to power think my way to a nice tan!
The problem all along was one of the silly voices in my head, waaaay back in the back, that kept telling me it wouldn't work this time! Silly, silly, pesky voices. They won this round, I hate to say -- I'm a flaking mess!
I know that a big part of thought work requires that I'm aware of the thoughts I'm thinking. And I was fully aware of the negative thoughts. And I must say that I knew, at the time, that I could have done more to change the thoughts. But I didn't really work all that hard at it. Doesn't make much sense, does it!
Well...here we get into a whole bunch of other issues. Worthiness comes to mind. As does practicality, maybe a dash of reality...all of which are very subjective. Who decides what's practical? What, exactly, is reality? And worthiness...seriously?! I'm not even gonna go there!
My biggest lesson here is NOT that I need to use more sunscreen -- although I did do that today when I went back to the water park!! My biggest lesson is that I have a lot o work to do to continue to challenge the silly voices in my head. The voices that tell me that it won't work, that I don't want to get up earlier to get to the rec center, that whatever project I need to be working on is just too much work and I'll never get it done. THOSE voices. I really don't like those voices...in fact, I think I'll be bold enough to say that I HATE those voices. I want them gone!
That will take time and awareness and practice. Well, more like intention. Intention with a LOT more energy than I have applied so far! I imagine the results will be worth the effort. At the very least, it'll be a lot quieter in my head!
The problem all along was one of the silly voices in my head, waaaay back in the back, that kept telling me it wouldn't work this time! Silly, silly, pesky voices. They won this round, I hate to say -- I'm a flaking mess!
I know that a big part of thought work requires that I'm aware of the thoughts I'm thinking. And I was fully aware of the negative thoughts. And I must say that I knew, at the time, that I could have done more to change the thoughts. But I didn't really work all that hard at it. Doesn't make much sense, does it!
Well...here we get into a whole bunch of other issues. Worthiness comes to mind. As does practicality, maybe a dash of reality...all of which are very subjective. Who decides what's practical? What, exactly, is reality? And worthiness...seriously?! I'm not even gonna go there!
My biggest lesson here is NOT that I need to use more sunscreen -- although I did do that today when I went back to the water park!! My biggest lesson is that I have a lot o work to do to continue to challenge the silly voices in my head. The voices that tell me that it won't work, that I don't want to get up earlier to get to the rec center, that whatever project I need to be working on is just too much work and I'll never get it done. THOSE voices. I really don't like those voices...in fact, I think I'll be bold enough to say that I HATE those voices. I want them gone!
That will take time and awareness and practice. Well, more like intention. Intention with a LOT more energy than I have applied so far! I imagine the results will be worth the effort. At the very least, it'll be a lot quieter in my head!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Maybe I'm Just More Mature...
Once upon a time, I was a teenager. And when I was a teenager, I CARED. A LOT.
Not about current events or politics or environmental issues. I cared about how I looked. My hair, my clothes, my makeup...these were my top 3 concerns as a teenager.
I suppose that made me a pretty average teenager! My biggest battles were with my hair -- it's very curly, coarse, and thick, and I was reluctant to embrace it in its natural state! Throughout high school I experimented with various ways of taming it, most ending up in frustration the minute I walked out the door! Humidity...ugh!
For some reason, when I was younger, what I looked like on the outside mattered far more than it probably should have. While inside I was a bit of a mess, I did what I could to make sure that outside looked at least okay. I made sure that, before I walked out the door, I was fairly "put together". It took a bit of time and attention, although I must say, compared to what I've experience with various teenage girls in my life, I was WAY low maintenance! But it really did matter to me what I looked like.
I caught a look at myself in the mirror a few minutes ago, and my how times change!! Sure, I still care how I look, but it seems that, any more, if I'm going to invest my time in getting done up, it better be for a pretty good reason! Like church! Or dinner out! Or getting on a plane!
I'm not sure when this happened! I'm a bit surprised at how I allowed myself to look when I went to a small group meeting at my church this evening! No make-up, most of my hair pulled back in a frizzy pony-tail...not my best look, to be sure! (Yes, my clothes were clean! Whew!!)
So I gotta ask myself -- what's going on here? Why the sharp drop in standards? Maybe it's summer...you know, it's more laid-back, slower paced, too blasted hot to think about putting on make-up! It's been awfully humid here in North Texas. That has to have affected my results!
Maybe it's some new-found deep level of maturity -- as I grow in confidence in myself I find myself less concerned about externals. After all, peace comes from within and has nothing to do with whether or not I'm wearing spring or fall eye shadow colors. Honestly, I've never really understood the difference there!
As good as that all sounds, I fear the reason may be truly, utterly, shamefully simple -- I'm just bein' lazy! I have a lot to do and never enough time to do it...primping tends to fall down the list a bit! Sure, the heat affects that, and it's true to some degree that I'm not basing my self-approval or confidence on whether or not my make-up is picture perfect. That's a good thing! But at the end of the day, the truth remains -- I just didn't feel like messing with it!
To the ladies in my small group meeting earlier this evening -- sorry! Don't take it personally! I just ran out of time! I'll do better next time...I think!!
Not about current events or politics or environmental issues. I cared about how I looked. My hair, my clothes, my makeup...these were my top 3 concerns as a teenager.
I suppose that made me a pretty average teenager! My biggest battles were with my hair -- it's very curly, coarse, and thick, and I was reluctant to embrace it in its natural state! Throughout high school I experimented with various ways of taming it, most ending up in frustration the minute I walked out the door! Humidity...ugh!
For some reason, when I was younger, what I looked like on the outside mattered far more than it probably should have. While inside I was a bit of a mess, I did what I could to make sure that outside looked at least okay. I made sure that, before I walked out the door, I was fairly "put together". It took a bit of time and attention, although I must say, compared to what I've experience with various teenage girls in my life, I was WAY low maintenance! But it really did matter to me what I looked like.
I caught a look at myself in the mirror a few minutes ago, and my how times change!! Sure, I still care how I look, but it seems that, any more, if I'm going to invest my time in getting done up, it better be for a pretty good reason! Like church! Or dinner out! Or getting on a plane!
I'm not sure when this happened! I'm a bit surprised at how I allowed myself to look when I went to a small group meeting at my church this evening! No make-up, most of my hair pulled back in a frizzy pony-tail...not my best look, to be sure! (Yes, my clothes were clean! Whew!!)
So I gotta ask myself -- what's going on here? Why the sharp drop in standards? Maybe it's summer...you know, it's more laid-back, slower paced, too blasted hot to think about putting on make-up! It's been awfully humid here in North Texas. That has to have affected my results!
Maybe it's some new-found deep level of maturity -- as I grow in confidence in myself I find myself less concerned about externals. After all, peace comes from within and has nothing to do with whether or not I'm wearing spring or fall eye shadow colors. Honestly, I've never really understood the difference there!
As good as that all sounds, I fear the reason may be truly, utterly, shamefully simple -- I'm just bein' lazy! I have a lot to do and never enough time to do it...primping tends to fall down the list a bit! Sure, the heat affects that, and it's true to some degree that I'm not basing my self-approval or confidence on whether or not my make-up is picture perfect. That's a good thing! But at the end of the day, the truth remains -- I just didn't feel like messing with it!
To the ladies in my small group meeting earlier this evening -- sorry! Don't take it personally! I just ran out of time! I'll do better next time...I think!!
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